Welcome to the ‘Tony Gwynn Sex Tape’ site. What you are about to
listen to is from a stockpile of audio footage found by a clubhouse
attendant of the San Diego Padres after their last game at Jack Murphy Stadium in 2003. Leonard “Bum”
Schitz, who was a San Diego Padres employee since their inception in
1969, was looking for one final piece of
baseball memorabilia for his collection. He tore up a back piece of
Tony Gwynn’s old locker to take, and what he found behind it was a
stack of audio cassettes/mini cassettes/compact discs, and other forms
of media.
Mr. Schitz, along with private detective Robert
“Bobby” “Bumpy” Bumpsichord has unearthed new footage up to the current
day that Mr. Gwynn is unaware has been ravaged. The resulting finds
have been uploaded in clips that the general public absolutely needs to
hear. Listen as Tony Gwynn is at different times vulgar, profound,
profane, proactive, absurd, and his eventual descent into nothing short
of madness, where he talks to various people in his life, himself, or
no one in particular. As our crew works on restoring more footage,
continuous updates will be posted, so stay tuned!
Never has a professional athlete shared his opinion so openly and without his knowledge.
Behold!
The team of audio experts has at this time discerned at least eleven different people
who are heard on the footage at some point in time. They will all
eventually appear on the site in some form…
Tony Gwynn – Hall of Fame baseball player and centerpiece of the audio clips
Bravery/Bubbles/Linda/Mildred – The name-changing muse of Tony Gwynn – his mistress, not his wife, if he can remember her name
Tony Viancavisa – Tony Gwynn’s Italian World War II veteran agent
Ken Caminiti’s Ghost – Tony’s former teammate who likes to say hello and give advice from the afterlife
Ed Rapuano – MLB Umpire and enemy of Tony Gwynn
Tortoise Lake – A late 30’s partier who tries to get Tony to go out and party
Hotel Front Desk Clerk/Room Service Head – The front desk clerk and room service leader at the San Diego Westin, where Tony spends a great deal of time
Tommy Viancavisa – The gay son of Tony’s agent
Old Porridge Lloyd – A guy who seems to know Tony, yet is content just eating porridge
Tony Gwynn III/Unknown Toddler – According to Tony Gwynn, his grandson, but what could presumably be any toddler
Dickie Thon (in computer program robot form) – Since sustaining a severe beaning in 1984, Dickie Thon has gone through trials and tribulations. His most recent obstacle is thinking he is a computer voice synth program from the 1980's or 1990's
May 12
73. Tony relates a story of his favorite wrestling tag team, the Fabulous Freebirds!
12:00 PM
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May 05
72. Did you know that Tony Gwynn wrote a pilot for Michael J. Fox based on his baseball heroes? He did!
12:00 AM
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May 04
71. Listen as Tony ponders his love for Ted Knight and Jim J. Bullock!
11:50 PM
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April 29
70. Listen as Tony describes his erotic escapades with the great Camryn Manheim!
09:54 PM
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April 22
69. Listen as Tony shares his most successful pick-up lines!
11:06 PM
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April 20
68. Listen as Tony Gwynn and his mistress, Bravery, enter another world, and encounter Moonlight Graham!
07:04 PM
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April 15
67. We here at TGST.com have unearthed an, as far as we know, unheard podcast!
Recorded by Tony Gwynn, featuring his guests David Wright and Jose Reyes, this is a real find, folks!
Listen Now!
08:30 PM
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April 12
66. David Wright leaves a message on Tony’s answering machine, which inspires Tony to start a podcast. A TGST.com exclusive!
07:21 PM
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April 07
65. Who, or what, was behind the tragic downfall and mysterious death of California Angels pitcher Donnie Moore?
01:11 AM
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April 06
64. Tony runs into his old friend, and Met legend, Frank Tanana!
03:03 AM
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April 01
63. Tony gives fascinating, stain-filled insight into the 99-04 New York Mets. An ear-opener for sure!
01:15 AM
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March 30
62. Tony runs into old friend Dickie Thon again! Last heard on clip #46, where it was disclosed, among other wonders, that due to his beaning, he thinks and talks like a voice program on a Commodore 64. Dickie appears and serenades Tony with his beautiful singing voice!
05:39 PM
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March 29
61. What would Tony Gwynn do with a Fribble if he had one, or two, or three? Listen and find out!
10:26 PM
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March 28
60. Did you know that Tony Gwynn competed on Supermarket Sweep? He did!
07:13 AM
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March 24
59. Listen as Tony rhapsodizes about Jon Miller, Joe Morgan, and his favorite colors: brown and yellow!
06:49 PM
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